Prose That Blows

Office Party Blues, by Noitalfin

Office Party Blues

by Noitalfin

Runner-Up: Sexiest Story

The office “holiday” party had been going on for over an hour. And although it was scheduled to run for at least another two hours, Charlotte didn’t think she could last that long. The introduction of alcohol into the party had caused her generally tolerable co-workers to become, well, less than tolerable. It had become painfully clear to Charlotte that at least a third of her co-workers were lightweights when it came to alcohol. On top of that, it was also clear to her as to what kind of drunks each of her co-workers were. Although none of that really concerned Charlotte; what concerned Charlotte was if Chelsea Hanler was going to do what she had planned.

Chelsea Hanler was a whore, and Charlotte despised her. In the last four years since the end of college, Chelsea had taken ever guy that Charlotte had taken a liking to. And despite her best efforts, Charlotte just couldn’t manage to get Chelsea out of her life. Once Charlotte had been employed in her current job and met her cute co-worker, Tom, she thought she was rid of Chelsea. But it seemed life was content on punching Charlotte in her non-existent and otherwise metaphorical junk. For low and behold, Chelsea was later employed at Charlotte’s office, and took no time in making Tom’s acquaintance. This… displeased Charlotte.

In the ensuing months, Charlotte had been plotting as to how to get back at Chelsea in a way that would forever humiliate her. Charlotte had recently got in contact with an old friend of hers from college, Jack, that was working for a local company that specialized in what she would describe as novelty items, although that’s not the term that Jack would use. But Jack had gotten his hands on a special item for Charlotte, which the company he worked for just released to the public. And given Chelsea’s known habits, it was perfect.

Chelsea had a nasty habit of chewing gum throughout the day, and especially before she had sex. It was also apparent that Chelsea was a horny drunk. And given the more than likely scenario that was to occur at the office party, Charlotte thought it best carry out the deed then.

With everything ready, Charlotte had to hide her glee and anxiousness in the days before the party, as to not raise any suspicions. As any sort of perceived excitement on Charlotte’s part might be considered uncharacteristic for her given the nature of their office parties. None the less, the day of the party came, and Charlotte was more than ready.

When Charlotte showed up to the office for the party, she was by no means dressed evocatively. She was wearing what she considered to be casual: black jeans, plain red t-shirt underneath her black sweatshirt, and a Santa hat which did nothing to keep her shoulder length black hair from being tossed about by the frigid winds outside. The same couldn’t be said about Chelsea. She was wearing what Charlotte could best describe as a sexy Mrs. Santa costume. It comprised of a red velvet dress that stopped just above her knees with fluffy white fringe along the bottom and along the neck line, a pair of red velvet gloves with the same white fringe around the openings, a pair of thigh-high leather boots complete with white fringe as well, a black leather belt around her middle, and a Santa hat resting upon her flowing blonde mane. This choice of attire didn’t surprise Charlotte in the slightest.

Shortly after arriving, Charlotte waited until the cost was clear and made her way to Chelsea’s unattended purse. Upon looking through it, she found a pack of gum with only one stick left in it. Charlotte quickly removed the last stick and replaced it with one she had brought with her, after which she slipped away without being seen. Thus Charlotte waited for Chelsea to drink enough to act in predictable fashion, all the while trying to avoid her boss’s drunken advances. But it wasn’t until an hour and a half after the party started that Chelsea finally had enough to drink, and decided to take a tipsy Tom along with her to one of the empty conference rooms, making sure to grab the stick of gum from her purse along the way. Seeing this, Charlotte grabbed a nearly empty bottle of spiced rum and made her way to the conference room right next to the one Chelsea and Tom entered.

Once inside, Charlotte quickly closed and locked the door, closed the blinds, and then quickly turned off the lights. Charlotte then felt her way long the wall separating the two rooms, to a hole that the previous janitor had made once he found out what Chelsea was doing after hours. Charlotte looked through the hole to see Tom sitting in a conference chair, while Chelsea teased him by slowly lifting up more and more of her skirt. That’s when she saw it: a blue smudge appearing on Chelsea’s nose that then spread to the rest of her body. Tom, his head in Chelsea’s skirt, was completely oblivious until Chelsea nearly shrieked once she saw her blue arms. Her stomach then proceeded to distend, causing the belt to tighten and Chelsea to freak out more. Charlotte had to keep herself from laughing from what she was seeing. Once free of her belt, Chelsea’s entire body began to expand, shredding her dress and leaving her completely naked. Her arms and legs taking on cone-like shapes, Tom helped her get the boots off before they were shredded.

Seeing enough, Charlotte left the room and the proceeded to enter the room Chelsea and Tom were in, with the bottle still in her hand. The conference table in the middle of the room had been pushed aside, and a seven-foot tall blueberry Chelsea teetered back and forth while Tom stood dumbstruck.

“OH MY GOD! CHELSEA?!” screamed Charlotte, purposefully trying to attract attention. “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!”

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