Prose That Blows

Haunted House Five: A Duty Dance with Destiny, by Needle Ninja


by Needle Ninja

Co-Runner-Up: Best Story

It was a Halloween night like any other and my girlfriend Elle and I were stumbling back from one hell of a party. I wasn’t feeling so hot, a combination of lots of rum and the fact that nobody got my costume (Apparently, nobody watched Filmation’s Ghostbusters like I did so my effort in making a great Jake Kong costume was in vain). I would’ve been angrier, but Elle was looking great in her “Mad Maxine”(her name for it, not mine) leather getup. I was just about to make a witty remark about my drunken state when all of a sudden she stopped and pointed

“Hey, is that what I think it is?”

I looked over and sure enough, it was. “That’s Old Man Nesbitt’s Spook House” I said, sobering up a bit.

“Where we first met is what you meant to finish that statement with” Elle reminding me why I fell for her in the first place one year ago.

“We never did go into that final room” I let slip, recalling that nobody managed to go all the way through the house in its entire 50 year history. The local legend being that if you could finish it entirely you’d win all the cash the House earned that night.

“Well, that’s going to change tonight” Elle suddenly getting a mischievous look in her baby blue eyes.

“Hell yeah!” I wanted to say that it was probably a bad idea, but hey, I was still pretty buzzed. We paid for admission and made our way through the attractions. Everything was pretty standard fare, spring-loaded skeletons, rubber bats on strings and the occasional tinny shriek. Of course, the final room was as imposing as it always was, a simple metal door left slightly ajar. It was one year ago that I met Elle at this very spot, both of us using each other as an excuse not to go in .

“Ladies first” I gestured, then quickly retracted, knowing full well that Elle would definitely show off her Jeet Kune Do on her way past me. I took a nice dry gulp and stepped through the door.

“Pssh, it’s just a big empty room!” I yelled out, describing the area which would fit in nicely in any abandoned warehouse in the abandoned warehouse district.

“You sure?” Elle whispered as she stepped in.

“Yeah, nothing in here but…” Just when my confidence had returned, the door slammed shut in front of our eyes, merging seamlessly with the metal walls that surrounded us. “Shit”

“Stronger words than shit need to be said!” Elle shouted as beat on the wall.

“Fools!” A great booming voice erupted from all around us “More souls for Mammon, the Entrapper! Now you shall suffer your greatest fear and perish!”

“What” Elle and I both dropped flatly. That’s when it started, Elle got a weird look on her face as her midsection started to swell outward.

“Oh shit, oh shit” Elle started chanting as she quickly took all her leather clothes off (that stuff is expensive), leaving her in her t-shirt and panties. Before I could say “Sassafras” it looked like Elle was trying to smuggle a beach ball in her shirt, if her skin was her shirt and… (I don’t know where I’m going with this, so let’s move on). I could only stand there and stare in silence as the girl I loved ballooned outward, her breasts quickly puffing out like air bags and her once rounded ass quickly took on the properties of a bean-bag chair.

“Oh god, this is just like my dreams!” She screamed, “I blow up like a balloon!” Elle’s underwear quickly snapped off under the pressure of her inflation.

“Um… yeah.” I stammered as I couldn’t think of a response”.

“Why isn’t anything happening to you!” Elle screamed as her body quickly reached the ceiling, her belly threatening to smush me against the wall.

“Oh. That. Well, that’s funny, my greatest fear was that you’d find out I’m… aroused by this sort of thing”

“What?” Elle dropped flatly

I was just about to elaborate when Mammon’s voice shrieked a giant “NOOOOOOO” and the entirety of the house disintegrated around us, leaving me in a empty field with my massively inflated girlfriend.

“So” I said, trying to hide my obvious erection “Are you getting any bigger?”

Elle just stared angrily, her creaking form making me horny and scared.

“Shit” I dropped flatly.


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  1. […] Haunted House Five: A Duty Dance with Destiny […]

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